Perspective

Some times you have to line up what you've done to put things in perspective! Wow...and I've been thinking I should be doing better!

R2: INSANITY - Day 56, FIT TEST #10

Round 2 is DONE! Beast mode, baby! No more exercising for me this year!

R2: INSANITY - Day 54 & 55

Today was Max Interval Plyo, Max Interval Cardio & Conditioning and Cardio Abs.

I broke the workouts up, but what matters it that they are done! ONE MORE DAY AND I AM DONE!

Tomorrow: FIT TEST

Executive Decision #6 (7?)

The workouts will be done tomorrow. I didn't finish Max Interval Plyo. My Spidey Sense is telling me to back off and regroup in the morning, and so far my Spidey Sense has been on it today.

R2: INSANITY - Day 53

Today was Max Interval Plyo.

Another late night session, and I'm not even sure how the day got away from me. This has got to stop, but I'm afraid that it has been going on so long that it has officially become a habit. Maybe it is time to put myself back on a "lockdown" schedule.

On a cheekier level, the world didn't end today.

An executive decision is in the works...

Tomorrow: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

RW: Sleep Deprivation May Lead to Weight Gain

Talk about timing. It's as if I'm being screamed at to try harder to get to sleep. This is a Runner's World magazine article about sleep deprivation and weight gain. My cause and my effect.

R2: INSANITY - Day 52

Today was Core Cardio & Balance.

I have GOT to stop doing these super-late workouts. It's not helping at all. Sure, I wasn't exactly restfully sleeping anyway, but this is undoubtedly making things worse. At least it is done, and there won't be any late workouts tonight.

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo.

Superhero Scramble...WTH am I thinking!?!?

Superhero Scramble. Boss medal. Hell-on-Earth course. The only reason I am registered for it is because I won a free registration. Yet I am looking at this race and wondering if I've lost my mind. It looks like it would be considerably worse than Barbarian Challenge, and I would be facing this terror alone. Not sure this is going to happen.

R2: INSANITY - Day 50 & 51

Catching up with workouts:

Day 50: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs were done yesterday. I'm not sure why I didn't post it then but hey, it's done and it went well.

Day 51: Max Interval Circuit, another late workout. I hate MIC so much, I really truly madly deeply openly loathe and despise it. I hate it almost as much as the Fit Test...possibly more. It is a testament of my believe in the repugnance of this workout that I am willing to do it late because I don't want to face it tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Core Cardio & Balance

R2: INSANITY - Day 49

Today was Max Interval Plyo.

MUCH better than usual! So far so good for this GNC stuff!

Tomorrow: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

Dear This Chick,

Hey Girl,

How's it been? Haven't seen you in a while. I miss you. You were so excited when you first saw me and the first time we ran together was magic. What's happened to us? I know you are doing the Insanity workout and it takes a lot out of you. I understand that, I really do. But I miss you, girl. I thought we would be inseparable. I'm not asking you to choose between me and Shaun T, but it would be nice if we could at least see each other once in a while.

Sincerely,

Your Running Shoes

R2: INSANITY - Day 48

Today was Core Cardio & Balance.

It is also Day 3 of using GNC's Pre-Workout Ignition. It's still not too bad, but those lovely placebo effects from the first try are gone. Hopefully I won't acclimate to it too quickly. But this workout was better than normal. I was more focused, which is something that has been difficult for me lately. I've got to take yoga more seriously. It really isn't an option anymore. It is also time to bring the food diary out of retirement.

Tomorrow: REST DAY

R2: INSANITY - Day 47

Today was Cardio Recovery.

Tried the GNC stuff. I wasn't as wired as I was yesterday, but there was still a greater degree of focus and I managed to get a little more done. We'll just have to see how this goes. I'm glad I decided to switch the workouts up. Friday is not the day for late hardcore workouts. Especially today. I've been watching the news since I got home. My heart is just breaking over what happened in Connecticut. I can't imagine what hell those families are going through right now. May the angels and their educators lost today be forever at peace. As for the killer, may God have mercy on his soul because no one else does. I also pray that his family doesn't have to bear the burden of his sins.

Tomorrow: Core Cardio & Balance

R2: INSANITY - Day 46

Today was supposed to be Cardio Recovery, but I was field testing this GNC Pre-Workout Ignition stuff I bought today (plus I didn't want a difficult workout waiting for me on a Friday) so I did Max Interval Circuit.

I don't know why it took me so long to make this entry. The workout was done hours ago. It was done, well...yesterday. So far so good. It made me really focused. It lasted for a few hours, in fact, it really hasn't worn off yet, so this is better as a morning product. I felt no jitters. Hopefully it will make a significant difference with my efforts.

Tomorrow (well...today) is Cardio Recovery.

R2: INSANITY - Day 45

Today was Max Cardio and Cardio Abs.

SO glad to have this done in the morning! I'm getting better at dealing with the soreness; it's not leaving me creaking around as much as normal!

Tomorrow: Cardio Recovery

Randomness

I got bored and took this photo of my California Raisin figurine.

R2: INSANITY - Day 44

Today was Max Interval Plyo.

No words can describe how I didn't want to do this workout today...and no words can describe how my body and spirit refused to let me sit this one out. It's almost midnight, and here I am...getting ready to workout. Unbelievable, and yet absolutely wonderful.

UPDATE:

I can't believe I'm up this late again, but in my defense, I technically started Max Interval Plyo yesterday...just finished it today. It seemed at first that I wasn't going to complete it, but that strong double-cup of coffee I unwisely had around 7 kicked in, and that caffeine was trying to write checks I wasn't sure my body could cash! Still, that was the best Month 2 workout I've ever had!

Even though that was an epic workout, I'm not going to break that "no coffee after 5 PM" rule again. I'm still wide awake.

Tomorrow (well, today...): Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

R2: INSANITY - Day 43: Fit Test #9

Have I mentioned how much I hate Fit Tests? No? Well, I've had my wisdom teeth removed, and that was more enjoyable. Even without the Novocaine (or whatever they used). Every Fit Test I wonder what is wrong with me that I would willingly indulge in such a masochistic venture. I honestly would rather do two of any other workouts than the Fit Test. The reason I have such an aversion to what should be a cool workout given its brevity is a cliché at best: I hate it because I'm competing against myself.

Here's the breakdown:

56 switch kicks
37 power jacks
90 power knees
13 power jumps
  8 globe jumps
13 suicide jumps
  9 push-up jacks
26 low-plank obliques

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo.

R2: INSANITY - Day 42

Today was Core Cardio & Balance.

It didn't go as well as I would prefer, but at least it is done.

Tomorrow: REST DAY

R2: INSANITY - Day 40 & 41

Did some schedule rearranging, but it all worked out OK!

Day 40: Snowflake 5K in place of Max Interval Plyo (done Thursday)

Day 41: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs (done Friday)

Even though the things I am doing to combat the soreness are helping a LOT, there is still a lot of stiffness.  

Today: Core Cardio & Balance

12 races for 2012!

Today I did the Snowflake 5K virtual race. That's Race #12! 12 races in 2012!!! I ran 3.28 mi in 57:21!

R2: INSANITY - Day 39

I decided to do a little tweeking to the schedule, so today was Max Cardio Recovery.

Tomorrow I will try to do the Snowflake 5K virtual race. I'm sick of having it put off. Seeing that I will probably be in great amounts of pain, it will be done in place of Max Interval Plyo, after that, back on schedule.

Tomorrow: Snowflake 5K

Eating like an athlete v. well...just eating

Here is a subject that I'm currently struggling with: the idea of clean, "athletic" eating v. just regular eating. I do like clean eating, in fact, that was what I did during Round 1 of  Insanity. However, I also like to cook, and cleaning eating is unfortunately a very, painful boring experience. The cookbooks that I use for "fun" cooking are all lowfat, so caloric content isn't really the issue, but it doesn't seem to pass the muster on what constitutes as "clean" eating. So how do I merge the two? I want to fuel myself better like athletes do, but the idea of eating steamed fish and brown rice for the rest of my life is something of torture to me. What I am thinking about doing is following a plan modeled after the Insanity food plan for two weeks, and the other two weeks cooking the way I like.

We'll just have to see how that goes.

R2: INSANITY - Day 37 & 38

Today was Max Cardio Conditioning and Max Interval Circuit.

I'm working on a new mantra: GTSOW (Get This S*** Over With). These workouts were done this morning with a determination and a focus that I have been desperately lacking. Hopefully, this new sleep technique that I am trying out will increase this progress.

Max Cardio Conditioning: Could have been better, but still not bad.

Max Interval Circuit: Same review as above.

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo

Gobbler Gallop medal came today!

R2: INSANITY - Day 34, 35 & 36

All of these days were marked as Injury Watch days. Hopefully I can come back strong next week, but I'll be damned if I'm starting this thing over.

Other races

There is a race that I was supposed to do this weekend, but I completely forgot to register for it. Perhaps there will be onsite registration and I can still do it.

R2: INSANITY - Day 33

Today was Max Cardio Conditioning.

I think this is my favorite of the Month 2 workouts, and not just because it is the shortest. It is demanding, but not at the level of making someone bedridden for a week.

Holiday Streak: I walked it today instead of running it, which was probably for the best because the police were searching for someone along my route. and I didn't need that extra attention.

Tomorrow: Max Recovery

Sleep Challenge

On the list of problems that serve as a detriment to my health, sleep is in the top five. I either can't get to bed early enough, or when I do, I can't sleep at all. There is a challenge on Tribesport about getting eight hours of sleep a night for seven days. I'm going to try it. Hopefully this effort will stick.

I'm thinking about going seven days without meat, too. Something about meat is making me nauseous lately.

R2: INSANITY - Day 32

Today was Max Interval Plyo.

Forced myself to get through it, but barely committed. I hate Month 2 with every fiber of my being.

Holiday Streak: Didn't do because of thunderstorms.

Tomorrow: Max Cardio Conditioning

R2: INSANITY Month 2 - Day 31, Fit Test #8

Today was Fit Test and Max Interval Circuit.

Fit Test sucked, as usual. I haven't done Max Interval Circuit yet.

Here's the breakdown:

58 switch kicks
41 power jacks
88 power knees
12 power jumps
  8 globe jumps
12 suicide jumps
  8 push-up jacks
24 low-plank obliques

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Holiday Streak: Did 1 mile after Fit Test. I am VERY glad that this was all done in the morning!

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo

R2: INSANITY - Day 30

Today was Core Cardio &  Balance.

Still in an extreme amount of pain, an executive decision was made.

Holiday Streak: Why that one mile was so difficult is a mystery to me, but I can only surmise that I wasn't fully recovered from the five-miler.

Runner's World Holiday Streak

Runner's World magazine has a challenge to do at least one mile a day until New Year's Eve. This won't be fun at all because I will be in Month 2 of Insanity, but it would be good to at least try.

R2: INSANITY - Day 28 & 29

Both of these workouts were Core Cardio & Balance.

Day 28: Did it on Thursday like a BOSS!

Day 29: Monumental amount of soreness and stiffness, even after pain medication. Declaring today to be an Injury Watch day.

Tomorrow: Core Cardio & Balance

Executive Decision #5

Today will be declared to be an Injury Watch day. It's not worth the risk.

Runner's guilt

I was going to make an executive decision today to chill out. The soreness is strong, and I believe in the concept of rest-when-needed. In any other case, the outcome would be to declare today a rest day. Yet there is such an overpowering guilt I'm feeling at the idea, I no longer believe that is possible. The Insanity workout may be skipped, but for crying out loud, that mile is calling me like a child waiting for a Christmas present. It's not desire, it's guilt. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by skipping today. However, no amount of runner's guilt is worth risking injury, so I will wait until later today to make a final decision. If I am still horribly sore, game over. If there is a notable improvement, then I will at least attempt the mile.

New Year's Resolutions...CONQUERED!!

 I only had two New Year's Resolutions: 1.) to run a 5K...so done; 2.) run 5 miles straight. Today I am pleased to proclaim that I have conquered my resolutions! This is probably the first time ever that I've made resolutions and actually completed a list!

R2: INSANITY - Day 27

Today was Core Cardio & Balance.

The arm section was less painful today!

Tomorrow: Executive decision in the works

The Hangover

In the height of stupidity, I drank last night. Yes, knowing full well that I was to run this morning, I got toasted last night. I'm behind schedule.

Here's the deal, though: I've only had one "real" hangover in my life, and I fully deserved it. Everything else has just been well...serious dehydration. Pump a liter of water in me and I'm right as rain again. In my younger days, I would drink heavily the night before and actually feel better the next day. The fact is that I have the tolerance of a pirate. It's not a new phenomenon. I vividly remember the first time I drank. It was while I was in the military and somehow I allowed myself to be talked into going to an Army party. This was typically verboten because Air Force and Army self-segregated. But there I was, with a friend who I was protecting because she had the tolerance of...well, she could look at a beer and get drunk. A very intoxicated Army guy came over to me and asked me why I wasn't drinking. I timidly admitted that I never drank alcohol before. It seemed like the entire party stopped. The Army guy was a mix of shock and horror. He went over to a group of his compadres, pointed to me, and in a dramatic yet genuine timbre announced that there was an alcohol virgin at the party: "She's never drank before! No, bro...it's true! It's terrible!" I felt like that elf on "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" when the other elves found out that Kirby didn't like to make toys. The three of them came over to me and guided me to a chair. Disgusted Army Guy ordered me to sit in that chair and gave me the bottle he had been drinking out of all night. "You sit right here and you drink this!"  I was expecting him to say "And don't you dare move, young lady!" After insuring that the bottle was sanitized, I obeyed and could not get drunk for the life of me. By the end of the night, they were shaking their heads and I was near tears because I thought something was wrong with me.

That was an unnecessary tangent, but still worth telling. Funny story. I digress.

The gameplan was to run this morning, but I think I'll play it safe and shoot for this afternoon. There is no incentive to stupidity.

The Resolution

My 2012 New Year's Resolution consisted of two parts. The first part was to do a 5K. Smashed it. The second part, however, was to run five miles straight. I was hesitant to put the mileage that high. This goal has not been accomplished yet, but there is still time. The most I have done straight is four miles. That 10K in September was partially walked because the race coordinated failed to mention how hilly the course was, and I wasn't willing to risk injury during a first-time attempt. If this is going to be accomplished, then the best time to do it is this week.

There is another issue that is bothering me. I think my efforts are hampered because I'm not on a schedule. I am FAR behind what I hoped I would be in mileage. If a sincere reconstruction of my training plan isn't done, I can kiss that first half goodbye...well, the first half that I actually want to do in February.

There is still time, though.

This schedule is a necessity now. I have to get more sleep on a regular basis. I have to be consistent with wake-up times. I have to do this so I can be a better runner. Even though I am doing FAR better with my health than I was last year--better than I have been in many years--there is still so much more to do. I am no where near where I hope and want to be. It's time to shake off this noncommittal chain that is holding me down, and let that runner out that has been clawing her way out of me for years. She is ready to be released. She is ready to be free.

It's time to cut up or shut up.

R2: INSANITY - Day 25 & 26

Both were Core Cardio & Balance...the entire week is Core Cardio & Balance.

Day 25: I actually did this yesterday, but forgot to record it. Lots of sweating and sore arms.

Day 26: Same as yesterday, but this time I am going to do some yoga to offset some of the soreness. Must maintain the balance.

On a side note, it may be just my imagination, but this round of Insanity feels more difficult than the first round!

Gobbler Gallop 5K race packet arrived!

Gobbler Gallop virtual race packet came today! The t-shirt looks better than I thought it would (and I am SO glad it's a tech T). I will do this 5K on Wednesday!

R2: INSANITY - Day 24...Month 1 DONE...AGAIN!!!

Today was Plyometric Cardio Circuit!

I can't believe I've completed Month 1...for the second time! This is amazing! Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined making it this far! Whoo-hoo!!!

Tomorrow: WELL EARNED REST DAY!

R2: INSANITY - Day 23

Today was Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs.

I almost didn't do it. It was getting late again and I was tired, but this time, instead of getting behind I got it done. Very proud right now!

Today I was thinking about how much more difficult Round 2 has been. It is occurring to me that the reason may be because I am capable of doing more! During the first attempts, I could barely do the modified versions of the exercises. Now I can attempt the ACTUAL exercises! I think, however, that three rounds may not be enough for me to get the results I would like to see. This journey may very well take five rounds. Let's hope I survive it!

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

R2: INSANITY - Day 22

Today was Cardio Recovery.

What can I say? A welcome relief from the week. Mostly stretching with a little deep-tissue work. I can't believe I'm in the last week of Month 1 of ROUND 2!

Tomorrow: Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs

R2: INSANITY - Day 20 & 21

Today was Cardio Power & Resistance and Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

Plyometric Cardio Circuit: pushed through it, but it took a lot.

Cardio Power & Resistance: kicked butt and took names!

What I'm really proud of is that I actually forced myself to do this in the morning. I am officially back on schedule! Lately, it takes more effort to do the same thing. I don't understand why I'm so lethargic. At least this is done and I am back on schedule! Hopefully this slump will wear off soon!

Tomorrow: Cardio Recovery

R2: INSANITY - Day 19

Today (well, technically yesterday) was Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs. It's done...that's all that matters.  

Tomorrow (today) is Cardio Power & Resistance.

R2: INSANITY - Day 17 & 18

Day 17: Decided to run instead (2.3 mi 40:58)

Day 18: Rest Day

Training issues

The culprit of my current soreness has just dawned on me: lack of stretching. I need to get on the ball. There hasn't been any yoga since Month 2 of Round 1 of Insanity because the workouts were longer and took so much more out of me. I miss yoga. I miss running. This plan must be edited. Everything seems so much harder to do now. I've got to figure out how to make this work.

Autumn Sunday run

2.30 mi this morning! I haven't run in a while, still doing Round 2 of Insanity. It has definitely strengthened me! Two hills that I normally dread on that were MUCH easier! On the second hill, I had reached the top and didn't even realize it because I was trying to run and take pictures of the Fall foliage! I'm not at my dream pace yet, but I'm getting there!

Executive Decision #4

I can't remember how many executive decisions I've made since starting this blog, but four sounds reasonable. I am not going back through 100 posts to find out. My head can be all over the place at any given time, so there is no telling where those executive decisions are buried.

But I digress...  

Executive Decision #4: The day I was supposed to do Cardio Recovery will be considered Injury Watch Day. The Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs workout will be made up with a run, which is what I would rather do anyway. Problem solved.

R2: INSANITY - Day 16

Today was Cardio Power & Resistance. Yeah...another late-night rendezvous. I could go ahead and do Cardio Recovery since it isn't demanding, but right now it is the last thing I want to do. Part of me is cheering, "Just do it anyway!" I just don't see that happening.  

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

R2: INSANITY - Day 15

I'm declaring this day an Injury Watch day. Sometimes you have to call reality as you see it and sit on the benches.

i need to run

Not for exercise, but for sanity. I need to run. I'm burned out and need to exorcise the demons plaguing me. The city is turning. It is finally getting painted with Fall's brush from that magnificent palette. The pavement is calling me to meet it under falling leaves.

R2: INSANITY - Day 14

Today was Plyometric Cardio Circuit. I'm caught up, which is good. I feel awful, which is bad. Anxiety isn't helping the situation at all.  

Tomorrow: Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs

R2: INSANITY - Day 13: FIT TEST #7

There is something about the title of this post that severely irks me, but I'm too tired to dwell on it now. Nausea...body-slamming nausea and fatigue. Yes...this is why I dread the Fit Test more than any other Insanity workout.

Oh, how I want to throw up.

Here's the breakdown:

58 switch kicks
41 power jacks
86 power knees
12 power jumps
10 globe jumps
12 suicide jumps
  9 push-up jacks
24 low-plank obliques

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Election stress

I don't think I've ever been this stressed about an election before in my life. The obvious way to contend with this stress would have been to exercise, yet for some reason, the Insanity Fit Test is suddenly more terrifying than all the other workouts combined. Of course, the scariest competitor is always the one in your head. My head is plagued with phantasms.

Chasing 13.1

Half-marathon. 13.1 miles. I want this so badly. That distance is calling me, even though it is not close to my ability at the moment.

You are considered a "runner" the moment your foot touches the pavement and your gait begins. Every race is an accomplishment, and I am very, very proud of every race I have done. I am especially proud of finishing my first 10K, even though I didn't run the entire thing like I hoped. Half-marathons...that is another level, and that level is amazing. I want to be a half-marathoner. I want to run that 13.1. While I do hope that I can do a full marathon at least once in my life, a half-marathon can be done several times a year, and there are SO many wonderful races to choose! There are little advertisements of races on my wall, and most of them are half-marathons. I keep them there to keep me motivated.

That 13.1 is beckoning to me, and I am eager to answer to its call.

R2: INSANITY - Day 12

Today (well, technically yesterday) was Pure Cardio & Cardio Abs

I actually didn't want to do this today. My mind was completely against it. Yet something very strange happened: my spirit and body were antsy because I wasn't doing it. In fact, I felt this strong, pushy urge to do it earlier today. When I was seriously thinking about going to bed early and doing this workout tomorrow, I couldn't make myself lie down. There was an unexpected resistance to rest. So I got up and did it. Very glad it's done.

Now it's on to making a grocery list, because this is the first time in my life where the idea of french fries makes me nauseous.

Tomorrow (well, technically today): REST DAY

Isn't it ironic?

The great irony of the fitness clothing industry is that it is often the least accommodating to the people that need to workout the most.

R2: INSANITY - Day 9, 10 & 11

Today was Cardio Recovery and Cardio Power & Resistance.

I am very, very glad to be caught up! Today, Cardio Power & Resistance was done in the morning and Cardio Recovery at night! Thankfully, Cardio Recovery isn't taxing so I don't feel like keeling over tonight!

Edited to add: Completely forgot to post about Wednesday, which was Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

Tomorrow: Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs

R2: INSANITY - Day 7 & 8

Today was Cardio Power & Resistance and Pure Cardio.

I am getting WAY too laxed with this program. It is ridiculous. I either need to commit or just stop doing it, and I don't want to quit. Maybe it is time to give that schedule another try.

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

WOW!!

I belong to a couple of run groups, but one in particular is an all-woman group. There is one runner, the group head cheerleader--as I like to think of her. She is way ahead of me in progress. She has already done her 1st half marathon and I'm still getting my feet wet after attempting my first 10K. We both signed up for the same virtual race, the PhantomRunner 5K that was raising money for Homes for Our Troops. She is someone who I admire and hope to catch up to someday. She posted her time for the race as 54:36.

My time was 52:28.

Wow!

Spartan Race

My brothers have decided that they want to do the Spartan Race, which of course makes me bound to the agreement. The gameplan for me was to do that race in a year or two. Next year doesn't count as a year or two for me.

We will see what happens.

R2: INSANITY - Day 6

R2D6 was supposed to be Plyometric Cardio Circuit. However, seeing that I did a race that day, I am making the executive decision to count that race as a workout.

"Bling Whores"

This term was used on a site by someone who has decided to host virtual races via her blog as a fundraiser. I freely admit that I love medals. It is a lovely reminder of how you conquered whatever struggle facing you on your path to the finish line. T-shirts fade, race bibs get lost or destroyed, but that medal is there, a shiny reminder that of what you did. Finisher medals are so very different from other race tokens. You don't get them for just showing up, you only get them when you cross the same finish line that ever other racer did. No matter how fast or slow you ran, no matter what your time was, everyone in that race has to trek across that same finish line. That is what makes finisher medals so great.

My first finisher medal was for Run 4 Your Lives. I was the fattest person in my wave and one of the fattest people there. It took me two hours to cover this 3.1 mile rolling, wet, muddy course. I completed 8 of the 12 obstacles. All of my flags were taken. I finished as a zombie. The thing is though, I finished. I look back on it now, and the fact that I even showed up counts as something. The Barbarian Challenge was even more daunting than that, because more than physical ability was challenged, my pride was also put on trial. I'm used to taking care of myself and handling my own problems on my own. The idea of being in a position where I have no choice but to accept help is a sore issue for me, even though I know the thought is completely illogical. Every time I see that medal, I remember the lessons learned from that event.

Of the five (yay!) finisher medals in my possession, four of them required me to travel to a race, four were out-of-town, two were out-of-state. Only one race was local and that was because it was a virtual race. Even that virtual race came with a life lesson and a challenge to face. It was during that race that I faced my longtime fear of running at night, a fear that I deeply resented.

Yes, I love medals, but not because of some concept of "bling whoredom." These medals are snapshots of my journey. They last longer than photos and they will last longer than my memories. I keep them right under my first race bib. They are the first thing I see in the morning. It is not done out of ego, but because I need to remember what each of those races represented for me. I need to remember the deeply personal challenge that came with every registration and how it mirrored my own personal battles.

Most importantly, I need to remember that I conquered that challenge the second my toe touched the finish line.

Halloween Monster Dash 5K

This race allowed me to deal with two issues at once, leaving me feeling a little vindicated. The race would have been scarier if I had the slot that started while it was already dark, but I'm glad I opted for the gradually darkening wave. The medal was great and I met a charming British family that allowed me to form an alliance with them. Still, I lost all my flags.

It is highly unlikely that I will do the race next year because the advertising greatly inflated the expectations of the race. There was no haunted house. It was a haunted shack made of garbage bags. The trees were low to the grown so of course someone could jump out of them. Make-up could never compete with Run 4 Your Lives.

But still, I am glad I didn't miss it.

R2: INSANITY - Day 5

Today was Pure Cardio.

Did workout WAY too late...again! This madness must stop!

Tomorrow: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

R2: INSANITY - Day 4

Today was Cardio Recovery.

I didn't get the workout done as early as hoped, but it was still done much earlier than usual. Very nice. The temptation to run tomorrow is strong, and I may answer to that call. Today a magazine called Outside came in the mail. It is surprisingly interesting and probably a keeper!

Tomorrow: Pure Cardio

R2: INSANITY - Day 2 & 3

Today was Plyometric Cardio Circuit and Cardio Power & Resistance. I must say to date, this is the latest time for a workout that I've ever clocked. It started a bit after midnight. The first workout was pretty impressive, all things considered. The second, well...not so much. My desire to play catch-up resulted in a compromise in performance. Bottom line: it's 2 in the morning. There is nothing left to give.  

Today is also Cardio Recovery.

Race #9: PhantomRunner 5K

This morning I did another virtual race, the PhantomRunner 5K. The charity for the Fall race was Homes for Our Troops.

But something else wonderful happened this morning, too. I got up and did this race in the pre-dawn hours of the day. Sure, it was technically morning, but as far as nature was concerned, it was still night. A very dark, pitch night. The decision to do this run was out of necessity. I had a really busy day ahead of me and knew that doing this race in the afternoon was out of the question. Therefore, the decision was made to do this run very early in the morning...while it was still dark.

The air carried a quiet that could only exist while the rest of the world was still in bed. My feet hit the pavement with only one goal, and that was to complete that 5K. That dark was so incredibly soothing to me; it was just as peaceful and serene as I imagined. I truly understand why so many runners I know choose to run in the hours before sunrise. The end of my run was greeted by the sunrise, and I felt at peace and vindicated. A fear had been conquered. A redemption had been achieved. This is a benchmark in my journey, one that carries more weight than the finish line of my first race. I fought my fear and won.

I ran at night.

Running at night

I've never run at night. Not out of a sense of caution or because of a lack of desire. No, this was simply motivated by fear. It is a fear that I deeply resent. There is a difference between acting out of caution versus acting (or inacting) out of fear. Caution is a conscious choice. Caution is an executive decision not to do something based on whatever form of reason. Fear is simply slavery with invisible chains. Fear is a tiny closet that encloses you and keeps you from moving in any direction. I don't run at night out of fear.

Despite all the strides we have made in this country, if anything happens to a woman, she is immediately blamed. The victim is converted into a criminal. I encounter so many people that see a woman in shorts or a skirt and declare that she is "asking" for violence to descend upon her. She is immediately at fault. The flip side is that even if she wasn't wearing something other than a burka and something happened, it's still her fault. Few people I know can see how incredibly disturbing it is...this idea that one can look at another human being and the first thing that pops into their mind is not only the grossest forms of violations, but this idea that the victim deserved to have such a heinous crime occur to them. And yet, if I applied the same logic, they would peg me as the insane one, but miss the brutal hypocrisy that they leave in their wake. If I were to say, "You got a car...you are asking to be car-bombed." "You bought a house, you are asking for a robbery were your family is murdered." "You put your child in cute clothes...you are asking for a molestation." If I said any of these things, I would get a frightened look and that person would rightfully distance themselves for me. But I'm wrong for thinking there is something sick and unbalanced about a person that immediately thinks of a woman being horrifically violated because of an outfit...and the fact that it is even more grotesque that they think such a crime is justifiable. She was "asking for it" just because she was there and had the audacity to want to be free. How dare she. Doesn't she know she's just a woman?

That is the crux of this fear. If something were to happen, I would get blamed, because it's always the woman's fault. Whether she is attacked on the road or in her home, she did something to provoke it. Rape is the only crime where the victim is put on trial by the world. It's never the criminal's fault. No one ever says, "Hey we should stop these criminals." No one ever realizes that the only reason they aren't part of that statistic is because the criminal got to someone else first.

The irony is that no matter what I do, this fact would still remain. There would still be this blatant and disgusting embrace of the idea that women deserve whatever violence that happens to them. Age doesn't even declare innocence. I've heard of judges accuse children of acting too provocatively and "inviting" pedophiles. Given this dynamic, one might as well do what they want, because it's a rapist's wonderland where they get to do whatever they want to whomever they want as often as they want. The rapist will never have to be accountable for their crimes. Society lets them off the hook by placing the blame on their victims. Society gives them permission to be attackers.

I see women running at night sometimes and the deepest envy invades me. I envy their sense of safety. I envy their courage. I envy the fact that they have chosen to tell this woman-hating world to go f*** themselves; that they refused to be part of that game. I envy them, and I long for that freedom. I long to run at night.

R2: INSANITY - Day 1, Fit Test #6

FINALLY! Round 2 has begun!

It wasn't pretty. Again, I broke the rule about exercising really late, and that may have factored in my results. It took me longer to recover between exercises than before. Hopefully after this round of Insanity, I won't need two weeks to recover. Even though that rest was needed, a fitness decline resulted from it.

Here's the breakdown:

57 switch kicks
40 power jacks
78 power knees (-16 than last Fit Test)
11 power jumps (form was lacking)
10 globe jumps (again, form)
12 suicide jumps
  8 push-up jacks
20 low-plank obliques

Tomorrow (well, technically today): Plyometric Cardio Circuit

3 days behind

I was supposed to take the Fit Test for Round 2 of Insanity on Monday. That, of course, would make me three days behind. The hope is to double up the next two days--which won't be as daunting as trying to do that with Month 2 DVDs--in hopes of catching up. There really was no excuse for the delays, except for my general lackluster disposition and a momentary panic about a potential sore area. Must come back stronger than this.

No Monster Dash for me

I'm going over the costs, and I didn't plan for it well. Not to mention I didn't have a backup plan in the event that life would interfere with my efforts. It just can't be done. My car needs a new tire and an oil change, too, which doesn't help. So it looks like this trip is off. Already registered, too. Maybe something will happen that in time, after all, I thought I wouldn't be able to attend several races and at the last minute was able to do so. There is still a little bit of hope, just not much.

It's silly that a woman my age is sad about this, but the truth is that is the exact sentiment at the moment. It's not just any disappointment, it's sadness. It's that childlike disappointment when you find out that Christmas is going to be short that year and that one thing that you spent the entire year being so good to get is no longer going to be waiting on you Christmas morning. It's silly for me to be that disappointed. In fact, it's ridiculous. Sure, there are other races, but this one was special to me for reasons that go beyond its intentions, and for reasons that I'm not sure I'm ready to explain. I had even started drafting an email canceling the shipment of my running shoes in exchange for a reimbursement in hope of cornering the costs, but there is no guarantee that they will process it in time. When I think about it logically, the level of commitment that was given to this race was ludicrous. I skipped three other races that I really wanted to do just to funnel any non-essential funds to this one race. I'm even missing Race for the Cure. Yet at the same time, this is making me realize how much doing races is keeping me sane. Sure, there are plenty that I can still do, but certain ones just give something extra.

This would have been one of those races.

Sickening new kicks

Today was the first time in a month that I have attempted to run. As usual, my aspirations greatly exceeded my capability. I was hoping to at least do three miles, but barely scraped by with 1.02. It was just too many people out and gawking, and my dismal ability to block it out failed me today.

My new kicks have been sitting unused for weeks. The Asics Gel Blurr-33 2.0. This is my first time trying Asics. So far I'm not really impressed. In fact, I will go further and say that I hate these shoes with every fiber of my soul. They fit like they were a full size smaller. These shoes felt like lead bricks. I was sad when I tried them out, because they made my legs feel so heavy that I thought I had gained weight. It's not me...it's the shoe! 10oz?!?! How did I miss that? Thankfully, Zappos.com is the key of awesome and is doing an exchange. I know better now: stick with New Balance.

Off Week

I'm still on my 1-week break between Insanity rounds. The gameplan was to run twice this week, but my body has other ideas. Hopefully I will be at least able to attempt a run Saturday.

On an even more pathetic note, I have been consuming highly fattening food--mostly because it's free, but still. This aggression cannot stand, man.

INSANITY - Final Week: FIT TEST

I DID IT! Three years ago, I purchased the Insanity 60-day program. In that time, I never made it past the second week without quitting. Today, I SUCCEEDED! I can't explain how wonderful it felt to do that final deep breath; to cross out that last box on my calendar. This is such a surreal sensation. But we're not done yet.

One week off to recover, and then Round 2 begins.

Insanity 60-Day Program Stats
Exercise	1st Fit Test (August 6, 2012)	Last day (October 7, 2012)
Switch kicks	23	55
Power Knees	70	95
Power Jumps	0	10
Globe Jumps	5	10
Suicide Jumps	4	11
Push-Up Jacks	0	5
Low Plank Oblique	0	18

Two great races...not done

Today was the Hyundai Half Marathon/5K/Mayor's 1-Mile and Warrior Dash.

I missed both. I won't be able to do the Komen Race for the Cure this year, either. There is a deep guilt I feel from that, given that cancer is an expected death sentence in my family. Not to mention that during the five previous years were I wanted to do a 5K, it has always been that 5K that I wanted to do. Hopefully, now that I am starting to get used to planning for out-of-town/state events, next year will be better organized.

A little sad and a little disappointed, even though these races were skipped so that their costs could be shifted to a race I want to do later this month: Monster Dash. But I need a race soon. I'm tired, sad. The lack of optimism is becoming critical. I need that positive energy that comes from finishing a race, at least until I am at the point where I can produce my own.

INSANITY Final Week - Day 53 & 54

Today was Max Plyo, Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs.

I'm tired and sore, but at least it's done and after the last Fit Test tomorrow I am DONE! There were distractions every single day this week, not to mention dealing with my own issues, but I am caught up! ONE MORE TO GO!!!

Tomorrow: FIT TEST

INSANITY Final Week - Day 52

Today was Max Interval Circuit and Core Cardio & Balance.

I got behind again, but fortunately combining MIC with CCB isn't as demanding because CCB is intended to be done slower. But what matter is it is DONE! Two more workouts, one more Fit Test and I am DONE! Then it's a week off (possibly longer) from exercising! I wish I could do the other two today and get it over with, but that is unrealistic and I can't take the chance of injuring myself.

Note to self: do not do Suicide side jumps...hurts knee!

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo

INSANITY Final Week - Day 51

Today is Max Interval Circuit.

The temptation to skip today's workout is very strong, but given how crappy this day has been, the workout might be one of the few shining points in an otherwise disappointing and draining 24 hours.

UPDATE: I didn't do it until next day.

Tomorrow: Core Cardio & Balance

INSANITY Final Week - Day 50

Today was Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs.

I am REALLY surprised by how much I could commit to this workout today! It was great! Probably will pay for it tomorrow, but right now rejoice!

I keep looking at the checked-off boxes on my Insanity calendar and it is surreal. Who would believe that I would be just five days from completing the entire program!

Tomorrow: Max Interval Circuit

INSANITY Final Week - Day 49

Today was Max Interval Plyo.

I made the horrific mistake of not getting breakfast in this morning. A handful of tortilla chips was all I had and a couple of pieces of taffy. Will probably pay for that decision some time later today or tonight. Struggled through the workout more than usual but am so grateful it is done!

Tomorrow: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

INSANITY - Day 47 & 48

Today was Max Interval Circuit and Core Cardio & Balance.

I'm so tired I can barely type. Even though I am grateful to be caught up, tonight was a testament to how it must be a priority to get these workouts done on the day intended. I can't keep do these double workouts...it's taking too much out of me. Doing them late at night must end, too! Even if it means getting up an hour early, these workouts must be done on their assigned days!

I started off strong with Max Interval Circuit, but had little to nothing to give by the time of Core Cardio & Balance. This cannot be allowed to happen again.

Distractions be damned!

Tomorrow: REST DAY

INSANITY - Day 45 & 46

Today was Max Cardio Conditioning, Cardio Abs and Cardio Recovery.

It's DONE and that's ALL THAT MATTERS!

Tomorrow: Max Interval Circuit

INSANITY - Day 44

Today is Max Interval Circuit and Max Interval Plyo.

I finished Max Interval Circuit this morning and will do Max Interval Plyo this evening. There will be no back-to-backs. It took a lot to get through this; I'm not in the right place physically or spiritually right now. It would be so nice to just stay in bed, but that is not an option. Must push forward.

UPDATE: Finished Max Interval Plyo.

Tomorrow:  Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs

INSANITY - Day 43

Today is Fit Test and Max Interval Circuit. Two big doses of hell and I'm starting them late again. Ugh...

UPDATE: Fit Test

Here's the breakdown:

53 switch kicks
32 power jacks
89 power knees
7 power jumps (UNBELIEVABLE!)
8 globe jumps
10 suicide jumps
2 push-up jacks (hurray!)
12 low-plank obliques

The increase wasn't nearly as dramatic as it has been in the past, in fact, I did one less power knee than last test. But at least it is done and I am still pushing forward. Didn't do Max Interval Circuit. Will do it tomorrow.


Tomorrow is Max Interval Plyo.

INSANITY - Day 42

Today was Core Cardio & Balance. Oh, how HAPPY I was to see a Month 1 workout! I waited really late again, which was stupid, but I finished a few seconds before midnight. What is so strange is that I've got two more weeks of the entire program, but I can't wait to start Round 2 of it! Tomorrow: Rest Day

"Just a 5K"

Since Warrior Dash is sold out, I was thinking about doing another 5K on Oct. 6. As I wondered if I should skip it since that would be my last week of Insanity Round 1, I absently thought, "It's just 5K...I can still do my Insanity workout." A 5K was something I wasn't sure I could do such a short time ago, and now it's "just a 5K".

INSANITY - Day 41

Today was Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs. I was dreading this combo all day, but it turned out pretty well. I shouldn't have waited as late as I did, but still, good workout! When I was done with Max Cardio Conditioning, for a brief second there was a moment of terror that this might be a new Cardio Abs specifically for Month 2. I cannot put into words how happy I was to see a workout from Month 1! It's done and I'm still on schedule, despite the late workout. And I just realized that tomorrow is Core Cardio & Balance from Recovery Week, which is SUCH a welcome! I might be able to actually run tomorrow! Wait...running is banned until I can get new insoles or (preferably) new kicks.

Tomorrow: Core Cardio & Balance (YAY!!!!)

INSANITY - Day 39 & 40

Today was Max Interval Plyo and Max Recovery. I'm just grateful I'm back on schedule!  

Tomorrow: Max Cardio Conditioning and Cardio Abs (yay...)

Fat America: A Short Thought

I saw another report on how obesity is hurting America. I think that race entry fees be considered as tax deductions.

Another Executive Decision

Doing Insanity workout tomorrow. Waited too late again. Can't keep doing these late-night workouts.

INSANITY program - Day 38

Today was Max Interval Circuit.

I did manage to do this earlier (not as early as I should have, but still better than midnight). As a result, I could commit more to the workout. At some points I was very surprised to see that I could attempt some of the exercises that I had thought would not be possible for me for weeks.

But I'm sore, tired and have a horrible case of the runchies. It started the day after the race and I have been just hungry all day no matter what I ate since.

Tomorrow: Max Interval Plyo

Fat American

Another study on how fat America is and how much fatter it's going to get just came out. I'm feeling sensitive and defensive because, well...I'm fat. I feel like the world is looking at me and blaming me and my fat cohorts for everything from the economy to global warming.

Even after my race--my first 10K--the guy who helped take my monstrously heavy bag to my car asked me if I was going to "start taking care of [myself] now." I ripped into him so hard he was babbling apologies. The problem with being at the beginning of your journey is that no one sees it except for you and the people that are always around you...and sometimes even that isn't enough (see "Have you lost weight yet?" post) because being healthy is wrapped up in size. And it can be exhausting.

It's even more exhausting when you know that despite your size, you are healthier than they are.

INSANITY program - Day 37

Today is Max Cardio Conditioning.

Haven't done it yet but will in a few minutes.

UPDATE: OK, a few minutes turned into a lot of minutes, but it's done. I can't keep doing these late workouts. I get nothing out of them because I'm too tired to commit.

Tomorrow (well, technically later today): Max Interval Circuit

10K

Yesterday I did the BGR/AARP Inaugural 10K. I can't believe I did it. I keep looking at that finisher medal and it doesn't look real.

It was a hilly course and I couldn't run the whole thing, but I ran what I could. What bothered me wasn't the distance, but those hills! I think if the course was flat, it was possible to do the whole thing as a slow run. That is enough for hope and joy! It seems like a race is the only crowd that doesn't make me panic. I don't know if it is because of all the positive energy around me, or because I'm too busy worrying about the race itself, but in that moment I felt part of something bigger and more special than myself, and that felt wonderful. Plus, I got to meet my BGR run group for the first time; we have all been encouraging each other on the Internet. There was an initial awkwardness, and then it seemed like every woman in that room were sisters.

Pre-Race: I didn't get any sleep the night before, of course, I never do. Always afraid that I'll oversleep and miss the race or just regular pre-race jitters. During the line up I was in this panic that I was lined up wrong.

Mile 1: Awesome! I had a stride and tried to keep it nice and easy to keep my energy up.

Mile 1:03 : First hill. Made executive decision to conserve energy and walk up hill and run down hill.

Mile 2: My watch is off by 0.8 miles, which is mildly irritating.

Mile 3 & 4: I'm kinda ticked by now. That chick said there were some hills, this is ALL hills!

Mile 5: I'm really ticked by now. Five miles of hills. Big effing hills. I'm glad I over-stuffed my shoes with insoles. I want to meet the person who designed this course so I can punch her in the face.

Mile 6: When I saw the mile marker, the first thing that popped into my head was "Where the **** is that finish line?!?" I'm thinking that maybe the last mile is at least a little flat so I can at least jog the last mile. No dice! Now I'm calling the person who designed the race everything but a child of God.

Last 0.2: I told myself that it's just 0.2 of a mile left. Just push through it. I did my Rocky arms while going through the finish line. I don't know if I was the last person or not, but by that time it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that finish line. I did a 10K!

I stayed behind for a short while to celebrate with the other runners, but I was tired and desperately wanted to go home, so I told one of the run group members to say goodbye for me and I got on the road. What a journey this has been! In January, I had zero races under my belt. February, did my first 5K. Then went on to do two more 5Ks, two mud runs and two fun runs, and now my 1st 10K! I can't believe it! Eight races in eight months!

All I can say is wow.

INSANITY program - Day 35 & 36

Wow I'm behind!

Those days were Max Interval Circuit and Max Interval Plyo.

I did do both in the same day. Don't recommend doing that again.

Today is Max Cardio Conditioning.

Yeah...no.

After wisdom got the better of me, I have decided not to attempt two workouts in the same day. I don't like pain, especially if it is stupidity-inspired pain.

INSANITY program - Day 34

Yesterday/Today was Max Recovery.

Even though I couldn't complete some of the exercises and it was much longer, I surprisingly liked this one better than Cardio Recovery. I wish I had completed it earlier, though. This probably is just wishful thinking, but I'm hoping I can do Friday and Saturday's workout today so that I can have Saturday as a rest day. With the race on Sunday, it would be good to have one full rest day.

Later today is Max Interval Circuit.

INSANITY program - Day 33

Today was Max Cardio & Conditioning.

Can we say awesome? This is my favorite workout from Month 2, and not just because it is the shortest. Even though I couldn't do everything in the workout, I felt I got more bang for my buck. My knee was feeling better so I could commit a bit more as well. I am still going to take it easy by not adding runs for a while, but it was a great relief to be able to do this workout. I am not looking forward to the combo workout in the coming days, but as of right now, this workout is awesome!

Tomorrow: Max Recovery

TDEE

I found out yesterday that a thing called "TDEE" existed and what it was. It's an unnecessary acronym for the caloric calculator I've been using. The actual term is Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE) Calculator. I'm glad it exists, because it is beyond frustrating when the pro-diet industry slaps that standard 1200-1800 calories a day model on every woman despite size and activity level. It doesn't take a genius to know that if bigger cars use more gas, then people with different bodies must use varying amounts of calories. Even if I sat on my butt all day, I would use up more calories that the standard 1200-1800 calorie diet model.

I know I haven't been getting the calories I need lately, and I know that can cause more harm that good, but I didn't realize that I would need more than 3000! I'm thinking about getting back on Shaun T's plan for a while, or maybe morphing it with the recipes I like for a smooth transition back into regular cooking.