Couck to 5K - Week 5 Day 1

I did two 12-min run/ 1-min walk cycles today. Ended with a 4-min run. The runs were awesome (The Pole was conquered!), but the end walk was murder! Ay-yi-yi! At least it's done.

Couck to 5K - Week 4 Days 2 & 3

I know, I'm behind.

W4D2 was great. I beat The Pole and shortened my walk time home.

W4D3...was doing well in the beginning, but got sick of it and half-ran near the end. Pole won.

Gatorade "G Series Pro" Product Review

Product Overview: "System" consists of three products sold separately: Gatorade Fuel, Performance and Recovery
Price: Considerably reasonable: all three products cost a little over $5.00
Taste: Like all workout enhancers, it tastes like crap, but less crappy than the standard level of crappiness
Claim: To help improve workout performance
Where to Buy: just about any store in the vitamin section

G Series Fuel
I am in love with this stuff in spite of the taste and texture. The texture is like that slime that kids by from dollar stores and it is the worst tasting of the three, but when it gets in your system, it is awesome. I tried Berry and Fruit Punch. Berry flavor is more tolerable in my opinion. There is a pleasant and gradual increase in energy. There are carbs in this product, so having a pre-workout snack for fuel wasn't necessary for me. You are supposed to take it 15 minutes before you start exercising. It lasts for about 45 minutes.

G Series Performance
It's just regular Gatorade. Nothing new to write home about. The low calorie version was better tasting to me, though.

G Series Recovery
I like it. It tastes disgusting, but performance-wise, I like it. It's not the end of the world if you don't buy it, but it is good when used with G Series Fuel.

Conclusion: The G Series Fuel is the best of the three. I field tested it alone and still felt pleasant effects. Today I tried all three products during an hour long walk/run. You can honestly skip Performance. It's just regular Gatorade, and I don't know how it works for you, but it always made me feel dehydrated and I would have to mix it with water. The lower calorie version of Gatorade had less of this effect for me. G Series Recovery isn't necessarily the key of awesome, but it is more than worth the price. Combined, the products are far better and cheaper than some considerably more expensive products I have tried that made the same claims.

Couck to 5K - Week 4 Day 1

The Pole.

That is what I call one of the many markers like it on one of my routes. But this one is special to me. If I get to it before my time is up, I did OK. But of course, that is not the objective. The objective is to defeat this pole; to pass it bestowed glory and honor. I was charging toward my objective with Pat Benatar blasting in my ear, telling me that love was a battlefield and I had the right to be angry about something. Didn't know what, didn't care. Was just feeling that angry 80s sense of righteous indignation and loving it.

Pat switched places with Flock of Seagulls (yeah, I'm working on that...) as I approached my nemesis. I told myself that I didn't care if I reached it. Today was the workout that jumped from 6m run/1m walk to 8m run/1m walk. Yeah, Runner's World didn't even allow a decent incline. They just went straight for the jugular. I had time to reach it, but I was completely worn out and was not willing to run up any more inclines. Using a line from an article as an excuse, I slowed down. But dammit, I reached that behemoth...and I conquered it.

I dragged myself along, passing my worthy adversary, that ominous Pole, with time to spare. After getting a decent distance away, I was sick of running and punk-jogged until the timer ran down.

As the theme from Rocky rightfully serenaded me to the top of that incline, I looked back on my adversary, the Pole, and threw my fist in the air in a manner that would have made John Hughes proud.

Running in the rain

I decided that another run/walk was needed. The original plan was to do it yesterday but that was scrapped because it was raining. Checked the Weather Channel only to discover that it's going to be raining for a couple of days. I was not going to it because it's raining. But apparently there is some unspoken doctrine that you can't be a real runner unless you are willing to run in the rain. I didn't want anyone to think I was a punk, so I went out.

There was debate about using an umbrella. At the moment, it seemed possible. The theory was that the rain would deter others and the umbrella dash would go unseen and undocumented on YouTube. At the very least, running with an umbrella would make a cute blog entry. It had stopped raining, but the umbrella rode shotgun in the car anyway just in case. When I got to the track, I abandoned my umbrella and decided to trek out. I won't deny being a little disappointed that the rain had stopped. The disappointment wasn't to last long because it started again 20 minutes later.

I decided to unplug from my iPod and let nature be my playlist.

Couck to 5K - Week 3 Day 3

I ended up going to the track because of a series of unexpected schedule conflicts, but what matters is that I made it there and got the job done!

God Moments

Today started off weird and things went from bad to worse in record time. Every positive thought that kept me going through the day was ripped from me and shredded beyond repair. Once again I was reenacting Job and shaking my fist at God. I was wondering was this my norm. I was wondering was my constant hope that God would provide a pleasant future in exchange for a hellish past a stupid, childish wish. The very last thing I had to hold on to was my walk/run today, and it seemed like even that was in danger. I suddenly had no time for the route I was looking forward to taking. So I thought, "Fine. I'll just go to the track." My day and my peace of mind was just gradually being chipped away until one sentence proved to be the proverbial back-breaking straw. And then I was in my car alone, sobbing at a stop sign. I drove home with no more positive thoughts, no more hopes hanging on thin threads. There was nothing left except my trip to the track.

So I went inside and put my angriest playlist on my iPod and drove to the track leaving my cell phone and all the crap that it brought to me behind. It had been raining most of the day. Didn't care. The track surprisingly was open and the unnaturally arrogant track team was absent. This made me feel better. I started out with a walk and then pounded the ground to the sounds of heavy metal and the angriest angry woman music in my library. Around my third walk/run set, I noticed the clouds had a hole in them that looked a little like a heart. Then I thought, "No, that's more of a tooth-shape." Just moments after my cynical thought, the shifting clouds turned that round, tooth-shape into a beautiful little heart-shaped hole in the clouds. With a pointy end and everything. It was so perfect and so amazing that I just burst into one of those wide-mouth happy smiles. I'm not forgotten, and I'm not forsaken. God does love me.

Noah got a rainbow, I got a heart.

Couck to 5K - Week 3 Day 2

Today was GREAT!

The struggles that are my norm seemed less daunting. I was cruising up inclines that I normally dread. But most importantly...I had an adrenaline rush. Yes, me! It happened near the end of the workout. I haven't had one in years. An adrenaline rush is basically an athletic orgasm. It's this wonderful rush of energy that makes you feel like you could scale Mount Kilimanjaro in minutes. In regards to having adrenaline rushes, I'm the metaphorical equivalent of a starved housewife.

So here's three cheers for the almighty adrenaline rush and hopes for many more in the future: Hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, HURRAY!

Race INFLUENZA!

Yes, race flu.

I just registered for my first 5K. This action is about a month earlier than I planned. It just happened...I clicked the button and I was signed up. My stomach is in some funky origami knot. For the first time in forever, I am truly madly deeply nauseous. But a commitment has been made and this commitment will be met. It can be done.

And hopefully a finisher medal will be the conclusion of it.

Race FEVER!

Not once in my life have I ever been in a race...but my God, I am SHAKING I want to be in one so badly. And not just any race...those crazy ones with obstacle course. My eyes are about to pop out of my head just thinking about the opportunity. Out of my league? Maybe...at least for now. I'm not a complete moron; there will be no Tough Mudder or Warrior Dash registrations any month soon. There will be no Tough Mudder registrations any year soon. But I would like to do the Warrior Dash this year if possible. Four are within a tolerable driving distance. There is, however, one that I very much would love to do: the Run 4 Your Life race. How often can one say that they have been in a race where they were chased by zombies?

It is good to be excited about something. I'm so used to being worried and anxious. There is nothing like having a bubbly feeling in your heart when you are so used to having knots in your stomach.

Couck to 5K - Week 3Day 1

I flipped off this cheeky construction worker this morning.

He was asking for it. He told me to "hurry along" and the next thing I know my finger was in the air. Anyhoo, the run started off tough, but the second leg was easier. This is great because the first and second legs are usually the worst for me. I ran past a couple of people that were walking. In the past, I have struggled to pass walkers and stay ahead of them. I was really, really stunned by how far ahead of them I was.

The finish wasn't fun and I didn't get as far as I did during my last walk/run, but my walk home was considerably easier and overall I shaved 1m30s off my last time.

Route Mapping Yikes!

Even though I am clinically paranoid, there are some things I am willing to do online. Like blog. However, like any sane person, there are limits to what I am willing to put online. My entire life will never be on Facebook or any other social media even though there are privacy options.

Hey, I've earned the right to be paranoid.

Which brings me to a new addition to my "Creepy Things on the Internet" list: route mapping sites. I went to one per a recommendation of a friend. It disturbed me greatly that so many routines were documented on this very, very public site. I doubt I'm advertising to any pervs out there, because I'm willing to bet they already stalk that site. Any halfway decent hacker can break through them. So just imagine what a determined hacker can do! There is no such thing as privacy in this web-wide world as it is. Having one's routine up on a platter for a jealous ex or psycho who can't take a hint, however, is one step too much.

No sale, route-mapping sites. I would rather make up my route as I go along. My cheap pedometer will tell me how far I have gone. The world is scary enough without worrying about if someone has figured out which online route is yours.

Couck to 5K - Week 2 Day 3

As usual, it started out cruddy and terrible...and this time it ended that way, too.

Schedules...

I want to put myself on a schedule.

No, I need to put myself on a schedule.

So of course I must engage in what I call "preliminary scheduling." That, dear friends, is where I try various time slots to determine which is the optimum time for me to exercise. I decided the least likely to succeed candidates out of the way first: morning slots. My first slot was a mite earlier than this post, hence my glowing enthusiasm. Of course I had help getting up at this time. My dog, who is my good buddy but right now is trying my patience and therefore is getting closer and closer to becoming a fur hat decided to bother me before my alarm went off. I also had help elsewhere (internal b****ing and grumbling commences). Two words for that time slot: NOT HAPPENING. It's dark as well...night outside and it's cold. The excuses keep piling up with only one making the cut to "valid concern".

I think it is safe to say the first slot has lost. It's not even worth pursuing and I was insane to even consider it.

One time slot down, five to go.

Couck to 5K - Week 2 Day 2

There's nothing like an unexpected construction site to turn you into a human GPS system on the fly.

Charming.

I also learned that no matter how big and strong I think I am, the wind can still affect how fast I move. Old zombies could run faster than me today. And thanks to that poorly thought out mobile construction site, I had to turn around which left me running up some unpleasant inclines.

Something else strange has occurred: I can't wolf down food like I once could. An order of Chinese that I should have been able to inhale has left me nauseous after one bite too many. I'm not kidding: paying homage to the porcelain god sounds like fun right now...that's how nauseous I am. Last night, instead of making dinner, I was content with a wedge of lettuce and some salad dressing (OK, in all fairness I was treated to some fast food and I'm not turning down a free meal, but that still doesn't normally affect my appetite).

But my goal is not weight loss. My goal is to become a runner. A real runner. I want race t-shirts and medals. That type of runner. If a decreased ability to gorge food comes with that, then it's a lovely side effect that I gladly accept.

Positive - v - negative stress

Stress is unavoidable. In fact, the only way to be free of stress is, well...death.

However, stress doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. I am of the constant belief that there is a such thing as positive stress, and that either stress can affect your health from blood pressure to your pant size. Honestly, I speak from experience. I feel like I have a right to call myself an authority on the subject because during my second evolution I applied this theory and lost 100 lbs. Have you ever lost 100 lbs? No? Well, I guess that settles any further discussion on who is the primary source on this topic.

You can tell when I'm beyond stressed. It's easy because I gain weight like a monster. But when I'm balanced, my weight drops without trying. And it doesn't matter what I eat or what I do. I was exercising like crazy right before my second evolution and my weight didn't budge. In fact, I got much bigger.

But I sat down one day when I was mapping out my goals for this year and tried to figure out what I was doing differently from this time. What is different is my out-of-control negative stress level. I have decided to make an effort to discover what constitutes as positive stress for me. During my last evolution, going to college was a very positive stress for me. I have always possessed a deep love for learning and discussing academic topics. This year, I think what will serve as my primary new positive stress is running. No, not because it is an exercise, but because I like it. If it was swimming, it would not have the same result for me. I intend on expanding my garden as well, because watching things grow is a positive stress for me as well.

I've made a list of my negative stresses as well, and am trying to work on cutting them down or out of my life. I cut down on one of my negative stresses and I lost almost 10 lbs in two weeks without realizing it.

My theory doesn't sound quite so questionable anymore, does it?

Wall-Flower Power

For some unexplained reason, watching me walk or run is a spectator sport in my town. And this isn't all in my head, either. I didn't know this was a phenomenon until the people that were watching me told me they were watching me.

It didn't matter what size I was. It never mattered if I went out in drab attire. It didn't matter that I was nothing to look at when I was out. It doesn't matter that I vary my routes. Without fail some little old lady or weird redneck would come up to me in a grocery store and say, "I saw you walking/jogging/running." Which doesn't fair well with me because I am clinically paranoid and have a strong and well-deserved fear of gawkers and stalkers. I really, really don't like being watched. To be honest, the reason why I started this blog after my first week of my new routine was because I was seriously pondering whether or not I was making a weird situation weirder by having a blog. At one point, I even discovered that an entire redneck family had been monitoring a previous weight loss. Now mind you, some people didn't even recognize me after I lost weight that time and they knew me, but this redneck family approached me at a gas station two years after my second evolution. The patriarch of this group said, "I see you've been keeping that weight off. We were just talking about you last night." Creepy much?

Unfortunately, today was a non-work day for me and the night before I took a nighttime headache medicine. Which means I woke up around 10:30 A.M. PANIC TIME! For me, 10:30 AM equals almost-lunchtime-traffic equals potential weirdo gawkers. And given that I'm not exactly Tinkerbell right now, that guarantees more looky-loos (remind me to tell you about the time this little old lady came out of nowhere and ambushed-hugged me while I was out walking because she thought I "look[ed] so huggible"). A big girl out trying to run is bound to draw attention.

But something wonderful happened when I was out today: one of the handles on my glasses popped off. Yes, I will have to get it fixed, but for me, that meant that everything went from perfectly in focus to somewhat fuzzy shapes. Was I blind? No. Could I still easily determine obstacles? Absolutely. But I couldn't see any faces, which meant I got to run freely. No worries. No looky-loos. Just me, the pavement and a bunch of slightly fuzzy images that I finally didn't give a damn about.

Couck to 5K - Week 2 Day 1

Today I was up to the 2 minute run/ 1 minute walk routine. It began OK. Then by the second or third set I was sick of it. And I was ashamed I was sick of it. Two minutes? I was just running two minutes at a time yet it felt like 80. Once upon a time I ran 30 minutes on average. Once upon a time before that, I ran barefoot on the beach until I got tired. But now I'm struggling with two minutes? Looking at the watch at 1m:12s became my prescribed norm for this workout. It got to the point where I would think, "don't bother look at the timer...it's going to say 1m:12s."

But amazingly during the last four or five minutes, I got my second wind and it ended wonderfully.

My love-hate relationship with yoga

Once upon a time, I loved yoga. No kidding...I was namaste-ing like it was a paid position. But as I am completing the first week on my journey to becoming what I like to refer to as a "real" runner, I am painfully aware of my growing animosity towards the practice. Yet it must be done. I need it. I should do it. I know this...but I just really don't like it. It's rapidly becoming like going to the doctor: you know it must be done. You know you will feel better after doing it. But dang it, it's a special kind of boring.

Anywho, next week is the first escalation since this third attempt to embrace running. I've got my kicks. I've got my tunes. Now all I need is the willpower.